


Her Scars

by writingwithmolls



Category: Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Edelgard and Byleth work on communication and boundaries, F/F, Happy Ending, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Mentions of past abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-02
Updated: 2019-10-02
Packaged: 2020-11-15 09:50:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,336
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20864258
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writingwithmolls/pseuds/writingwithmolls
Summary: Byleth wants nothing more than for Edelgard to be happy, but it's difficult when her partner avoids speaking of her past. Seeking help from her friend, Byleth is able to begin to strengthen their relationship, one conversation at a time.





	Her Scars

**Author's Note:**

> As mentioned in the tags, trigger warnings for implied self harm and mentions of past abuse.

Byleth had noticed Edelgard’s hesitation, but didn’t know how to approach it. It always happened  _ too quickly _ for her to react. There would be kissing and touching and embracing… and then suddenly the emperor would turn as cold as stone. Before Byleth could even ask what was wrong, Edelgard would be gone as if she hadn’t been in the room moments before.

It hurt Byleth to see her like this, but she never thought to question it, especially in the beginning. Everything they were doing was new to her as well.  _ Simple _ communication was still a steep learning curve to her—much less talking about romance or sex. It was confusing to navigate and in ways she didn’t want to break the happy bubble that they lived in.

If there even  _ was _ a happy bubble to burst.

The more Byleth dwelled on her and her beloved’s interactions, the more unsure she was. She was far from being an expert on love, but enough that she realized her mother’s ring didn’t mean that everything was in agreeance. A ring and a promise of forever could only stretch so far—and Byleth was finally ready to accept it wholeheartedly.

All she wanted was for Edelgard to feel comfortable. To feel safe.

Byleth didn’t want to admit how long it took her to come to this conclusion. The guilt had been eating at her because it was  _ easy _ to ignore her lover’s pain. Edelgard didn’t like to be open and Byleth didn’t know how, so it took a backseat in their relationship.

Both of the women were winding down from an extremely long day of negotiations and policy talk. It was particularly painful to be surrounded by the others all day without a break to be by themselves. Even though they were both still dressed in their formal clothes, they were curled up in bed with a book each. Edelgard had a novel while Byleth was using her time to learn about teaching. Once the Officers Academy was re-established, she wanted to be able to resume her role as a professor. The theory reading was boring and her thoughts kept wandering. Her eyes drifted to Edelgard next to her.

The emperor was propped up by her pillows, reading feverishly through the novel. Byleth learned quickly how fast she could read—even her hobbies were done with pure efficiency. She had taken her hair down, but her dress was pooled around her. The crimson edges of the fabric were brushing Byleth’s thigh. Edelgard’s eyes reflected in the flickering candlelight. Byleth always had difficulties relating to love, but looking at her partner like this felt like she was staring at a blessed portrait. The artist had taken their time on every inch of the painting, creating perfection that one would be lucky to have the chance to admire. The highlights and lowlights all favored the composition and made the subject shine.

Edelgard glanced up once—then twice—at her former professor. Her brows furrowed at the daze in her eyes. “What?”

Byleth smiled gently, something that everyone was  _ surprised _ to see. She didn’t think much about it. She only smiled when she wanted to. They were becoming more and more frequent: around Edelgard, anyways. “You look beautiful. Like a painting.”

“Stop with that,” Edelgard scolded, her cheeks flaring pink. She closed her book, pretending to hit Byleth in the head. It was just a light tap. “You’re supposed to be preparing,  _ Professor _ .”

“It’s been a long day. I just want to look at you.”

Edelgard smiled, shaking her head. “Sometimes I wonder what’s going through that head of yours.”

“Right now, not much.” Byleth mirrored the smile, putting down her own book on the bed. “You, mostly. Come here, El.”

Byleth reached out her hand and placed her fingers under Edelgard’s chin. She kissed her gently, pulling away to look in her eyes. Edelgard laughed, leaning into Byleth and knocking the two of them back into the pillows. Kissing always felt like a different world. Neither of them had ever experienced this type of connection with anyone. And yet Byleth always felt loved when they were exploring one another. Neither had the expectations of perfection, it was just doing what felt  _ right _ moment to moment.

Byleth tugged Edelgard closer, placing a hand on the back of her head, twisting her hair. It had gotten long, the silver locks falling in front of her face if not careful. Edelgard’s gloved hand was resting on her cheek, kissing deeply. Byleth was grateful for the kiss, but her mind was wandering. The glove. She had never seen Edelgard’s hands—something that seemed so simple was such a mystery.

Against her better judgement, Byleth began to slip the glove off. In her arms, she could feel Edelgard go stiff. She yanked her hand away, the glove half off.

“Stop,” Edelgard said. Her tone was no longer sweet, rather it was how she spoke to people trying to undermine her. She started to get up, the warmth of her body replaced by the chill of the room. “I’m going back to my own room now, goodnight.”

“Wait,” Byleth said before she could leave. “Can we talk, El?”

Edelgard was already on her feet, but she stopped. It was at this point that she normally left and Byleth made a mental note not to do the same thing again. Instead, Byleth sat up and patted the bed next to her. “Please?”

For a moment, it didn’t look like she was going to sit back down. Her eyes dark, she took a seat on the very edge of the bed. She was pulling her glove back on and she refused to look at Byleth. Byleth took a deep breath and tried to keep Dorothea’s advice in mind.

“I just thought that we should talk about boundaries.” Byleth looked up at the top of her chambers, trying to remember what her friend was talking about. “It’s important when… um… “  _ What were the words Dorothea used again? _ “Getting intimate. Yes, that’s it.”

Edelgard gaped back at her, leaning away from her partner. Her fingers were laced together in her lap and she looked extremely uncomfortable. “Excuse me?”

“I just,” Byleth hadn’t expected her reaction, “I don’t want to hurt you. So we should talk about what you want me to do when we kiss or more. I want to have a safe relationship where we are both comfortable to explore what we like.”

Edelgard buried her face in her palms. “Why do you sound exactly like Dorothea? Word-for-word?”

Byleth shrugged. She, too, wanted to run from the conversation. It was hard to explain it like Dorothea had. It all seemed so simple when the other woman had laid it out for her slowly, how best to approach the subject naturally. “Dorothea gave me advice.”

“Do I  _ want _ to know why you are talking about our relationship with Dorothea?” Byleth didn’t like that she could hear the beginnings of anger seeded in Edelgard’s tone. “You need to be wary of what she says. She likes being in other people’s relationships a bit  _ too _ much.”

Byleth felt her face fall. She knew that her partner wasn’t going to be receptive of the conversation, but it was turning out to be frustrating for the both of them. “I just don’t want you to be unhappy.”

“I’m fine,” Edelgard said.

“I’m sorry.” She felt an uncomfortable pain clawing at her heart. She knew that Edelgard was upset and that it was her fault. “I shouldn’t have talked to Dorothea. Or tried to take off your glove.”

This time, it was Byleth who got up to leave, even though it was her own room. She didn’t like this feeling. Not at all.

“No, Byleth—” Edelgard took her hand. Byleth turned back, but the woman averted her eyes. “I’m sorry, I’m being unfair. What you’re trying to do is really thoughtful. I just… it’s hard to talk about things like this for me.”

“Me too,” Byleth said. Her voice was quiet, the guilt still making her hands tremble ever so slightly. “Can we try?”

Edelgard nodded. She waited for Byleth to sit back down on the bed, this time sitting closer than before. She cleared her throat. “I wouldn’t be opposed to touching you however you would like… I just don’t want to take my clothes off.”

Byleth took her partner’s hand and held it close. “I respect that… I’m just worried about why you don’t want me to see your skin. Is it something we could talk about?”

She thought she had passed yet another boundary and was about to apologize when Edelgard spoke again. “I don’t have a body like yours,” she began, taking in a painful breath. Byleth wanted to hold her, but she stayed put. “You know about my past… the experiments. My entire body is scarred. It doesn’t look pretty, there’s not an inch that isn’t covered in them. They cut me open so many times… I hate looking at myself.”

Byleth watched her partner tremble. She didn’t know what to do. She wanted to fix it... but she couldn’t. There was no way to take back what those demons did to her Edelgard. She couldn’t simply remove that pain. She couldn’t prevent it.

“Thank you for sharing that with me,” Byleth said—another Dorothea line. Then, for the first time that night, she had her own idea.

Byleth pulled down the neckline of her V-neck, showing the skin between her breasts. Edelgard looked on curiously, her cheeks beginning to burn red. “What are you—”

“Here.” Byleth pointed to a mark on her otherwise clear skin. “I’ve had this since I was a baby. I think it’s something that Rhea did, but I never got answers.” She pulled her shirt back up, then pointing to a small white mark on her wrist she said, “When I was young I stood too close to my father and grazed his sword during battle.” She then led her attention to a skid mark on her knee, one that was still red and angry, but would never completely heal. “We didn’t tell you about this, but Dorothea tried to teach me how to walk in heels—but I fell down the stairs.”

That earned a short laugh from Edelgard, a sweet sound in the tension. “Are you okay? Why were you wearing heels?”

“The next dance I want to wear a proper gown with you,” Byleth explained. “Even Bernadetta wears one. I think my mercenary outfit can only take me so far.”

“You look lovely regardless,” Edelgard said. “Although I never fathomed that I would ever see you in a dress.”

“Me neither,” Byleth said honestly, “but, do you still find me lovely? Even if I have these marks on my body?”

Edelgard scoffed, the sour mood momentarily forgotten. “Of course. You are beautiful, even if you ran into Jeralt’s sword.”

Byleth nodded, glad that Edelgard had given the answer she anticipated. “And you, too?”

“What?”

“Regardless of your scars, you are beautiful, El.”

Her face darkened as her smile fled. “I’m not—that’s different.”

“How so?” Byleth asked quietly. She had gotten so far, she didn’t want to mess it up.

“Well, your scars each have a story. Most of them are humorous, Byleth.” She shook her head. “You look at my body and it’s horrific. It’s being cut open. It’s being burned. It’s punishment. It’s me not wanting to live anymore.” She almost cried—Byleth could hear the slight whine in her voice—but, she didn’t. “It’s not beautiful.”

“Your suffering is not beautiful, I promise,” Byleth amended. “And that’s not what made you beautiful.”

The room fell into silence, neither woman looking at one another. Byleth knew that she had made a mistake. Even on the edge of the bed, she could feel the emperor shaking, curling up into herself. She hadn’t meant to make her this upset—she just wanted her to be more open. She wanted to relieve just a small aspect of her partner’s pain, to shoulder some of it herself.

“I am so sorry,” Byleth said, much too late. She felt the emotions welling up deep inside. The guilt from dredging up the past. She hung her head, trying to figure out what to do.

“I’m sorry, too,” Edelgard said. “You’re just trying to help me, but it’s hard. It’s so hard.”

“I shouldn’t have asked—”

“I’m glad that you asked,” she cut her off. “No one has held this much concern for me, Byleth. It’s difficult to talk about and it hurts… but it also makes me happy in a strange way.”

Byleth heard a shifting of fabric and then felt the pressure of Edelgard returning to her side on the bed. In the lap which she was looking down at, Edelgard placed her hands.

It was the first time that Byleth had seen her bare hands.

It pained her to watch how horribly they were shaking. Her hands were discolored and damaged from years of mistreatment. Her nails were like Byleth’s—blunt and jagged, some places painfully red. Her palms were calloused from wielding weaponry her whole life.

Byleth took her hands into her own and kissed every mark.

Every burn, every scar, every cut, every callous. Her lips ghosted over the damaged skin until not an inch of it was left without love. She looked up to Edelgard, who was staring at her with wide eyes.

“I love you,” Byleth said. She knew that she didn’t say it enough—but she was trying. She was getting better at making sure that Edelgard knew. “I love you so much, El. Your pain isn’t going to change that.”

Edelgard’s cheeks were stained pink as Byleth placed another kiss on her knuckles. “I love you,” she repeated. “Thank you.”

“I’m proud of you,” Byleth said. “It takes so much to talk about things like this.”

Edelgard looked at her, before closing the space between them with a kiss. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! My name is Molly and I'm an author who writes about wlw <3
> 
> If you like my work, please support me by following @ mollymariewrites on Instagram! There you can find my Twitter, my published work, as well as get updates about my various sapphic own-voices projects! Thank you so much for your help <3


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